Why Do We Choose to Cut Off Communication with Our Parents? Testimonials and Analyses from the DaddyLife.gr Community

Today, we delve into a difficult and painful issue: the lack of communication between adult children and their parents. Specifically, we address the decision some individuals make to sever ties with their families. What is happening with this issue? Why does it occur? Could it be avoided? What does it mean for the children and the parents?

We're not talking about misunderstandings that can arise in any relationship, especially a parent-child relationship. We're discussing the real, literal cessation of communication between some adults and their parents.

Firstly, let's clarify something: The decision to distance oneself from one's family is never a pleasant outcome. In an ideal world, all adult children would be able to coexist without issue near their emotionally mature parents. But because our world is far from ideal, we need to face the truth calmly and draw as many safe conclusions as possible.

The reasons why an adult no longer wants to speak to their parents can be many. Perhaps the parents mishandled many things—far too many—in the past. Maybe the child has grown in age but still lacks the necessary perspective to understand whether their parents truly want what's best for them or not.

The issue is chaotic, and even a book couldn't cover all the possible scenarios, reasons, and factors that might influence such a decision. Each case must be judged individually based on specific elements and data. Careful critical consideration should never stop, especially when discussing a complex human relationship like that between parent and child.

We will focus on a specific category of adult children who do not want—or cannot bear—to have communication with their families anymore. It might seem surprising, but at least in our social circle, a significant percentage of people around thirty have sought to cease frequent communication and contact with their families, either for a short or long period.

Whether it's the times we live in, changing relationships, or the evolving family model—which we believe should evolve even further—the fact remains that today, a person who feels more independent financially or mentally is more likely to rebel against their family circle.

And if you're wondering why anyone would want to rebel, the reasons are countless, but let's mention a few here: long-term oppression, physical or psychological and verbal abuse, constant attempts at control (by the parent over the child), psychological blackmail, personal insults and belittlement, economic or emotional exploitation, and a myriad of other reasons that surely intersect, interconnect, and complement all the above.

A dysfunctional relationship is not dysfunctional due to one situation alone. Usually, many factors contribute to the point where an adult no longer wants the family that raised them near them.

Many readers—parents and children—might question what terrible things a parent or family could have done to make an adult child no longer bear their presence. We would say this: A parent doesn't need to commit a crime to be considered a bad or unsuitable parent.

Most of us tend to associate wrongdoing with illegality and vice versa. We look at our behaviors and, if we don't see them as criminal acts, we assume it's okay to continue them. However, this cannot be the whole truth.

The frequent identification of the "moral" and the "legal" cannot be the sole binary based on which we judge our actions. Also, laws can vary dramatically from time to time and place to place.

Once, adultery was considered both immoral and illegal in the Western world. Now, it's still seen as immoral by many, but you can't be arrested for cheating on your partner. Of course, these apply to the Western world, as in Arab countries, for example, you know what they do to adulteresses!

So, a "bad" or "unsuitable" parent is not just someone who does something legally reprehensible. An unsuitable parent is one who insults or diminishes their child's worth by telling them they're worthless. Unfair and fearful first of all with themselves is the parent who whispers "You will fail" before their child makes any attempt at anything.

Problematic is the parent who never acknowledges their child's successes but mentions their failures for years. Stressful and intensely unpleasant is the parent who constantly pressures their child in the directions they desire or consider correct, believing that they are taking care of their child's well-being.

At the very least, dangerous is the parent who tries all their life to convince their child that since becoming a parent, they have done nothing for their personal benefit, while their actions show that they have exploited their child both economically and emotionally.

Emotionally immature is the parent who wants their child constantly near them, to control them, to dictate their life, to guide them on the "right" path, because deep down, they know that their children are a financial and emotional "investment" for their old age and without them, they suspect they will have nothing else worthwhile and substantial to occupy themselves with.

Would you like to hear an equally unpleasant truth? Well, we'll tell you. These things don't happen rarely, in some isolated poor neighborhood where parents have to work nonstop to survive, not giving the required attention to their children. They don't happen far away from you.

We fear that the examples of people mentioned above are people next door to us. People who live quite well in terms of their material reality. They have a relatively good financial background, a "secured" life, children who go to good schools, and no one can imagine what they might be experiencing in their family.

If you haven't realized something from the above, we'll tell you very simply. Not being able to stand your parents any longer, when they can't understand they've become malicious and unsuitable, is no longer an "offense." It is a reality imposed by life itself, whether some like it or not.

Before we close, we want to mention that if you are experiencing or have experienced something similar, you are not alone. Many of our readers have shared their personal stories, and it's clear that this situation is more common than we think. So, let's give a voice to these stories and try to better understand our relationships and the choices we make for our mental health and well-being.

Are you ready to open the dialogue? Share your experiences in the comments, and let's help each other find the strength and understanding we need.

Some Testimonials from Our Readers:

• "I spent years trying to please my parents, but I never felt appreciated. When I chose to distance myself, I found my peace." - Nikos, 35
• "The emotional abuse and insults were constant. When I left home, I began to rebuild my self-confidence." - Maria, 28
• "It was hard to accept that my parents were exploiting me financially. Now, I've set boundaries and feel stronger." - Yiannis, 33

Let's continue the discussion and support each other through these challenging experiences.